Also, just for the record:
I think there is something that you should know about my life just in case this *middle-class white women think they own feminism* has anything at all to do with me. Because frankly it seems odd timing that you bring up race with me shortly after I privately introduced myself as a middle-aged white woman. Maybe I’m paranoid but since I’ve been through this many, many times over the years I’d like to get it straight with you and the community-at-large now…
Having no personal choice in the matter of the hue of my skin at birth, nor the circumstances of my parents’ economic status, the result was that I was born female, *white* and middle-class. Because my mom was a feminist activist in the 70s, I was raised hanging out with a wide variety of women from every kind of background imaginable and I’ve been witness to all the varieties of quilt tripping about race/economic/academic/sexual orientation privileges there are when it comes to Feminism on the ground (and now on the internet); it’s so *classic* it should be trite.
My partner is Korean, the offspring of a prostituted woman and abandoned on the streets of Inchon. Her name and language were taken from her when she was adopted at 8 and flown half way around the world by an elderly amerikan military officer and his wife. He was, and is, a pedophile. Add to it that she is, and always has been, a butch (looking) Lesbian and I think she pretty much has all the Oppression Olympics bases covered. Also our daughter (conceived by anonymous sperm donor and my organs) is a girl of color, also Asian.
So, what does that make me?
A white woman who loves two females of color more than any other people on planet Earth. Every single other female on planet Earth comes in a very close *second* though. It makes no difference to me what color their skin is, how much money they (or their men) have, how much education they‘ve been lucky enough (thanks to feminists) to avail themselves of or even if they‘ve done awful and cruel things. Because, in the end, all of those *markers* are man-made, man-dictated, man-approved/non-approved, man-owned and operated and females of all walks of life are doing the best they can to get by with what crumbs they’ve been allowed to have.
Which brings me to compassion. Yes, it can be extremely difficult to have compassion for females, all females; almost no one is modeling the behavior.
As women we are groomed to always think of men first because it’s our *job* and when we don’t we are attacked and threatened not only by men, but usually by other women which can be personally painful, but understandable given our circumstances. As a very personal example: I no longer maintain a relationship with my mom because when I tried to explain to her – we were talking about “porn-culture” at the time – that my brother is a bondage fetishist and addicted to violent pornography so much so that he believed that he could talk his way into fucking me in my own home at the age of 24 (he was 30), she blamed me in a lightning-quick, knee-jerk reaction. She attempted to apologize by saying that my brother had “betrayed” me. My mom, the Feminist Activist.
So when I see an obviously bright, talented and compassionate woman, especially a feminist who is in the business of counseling women who are trying to heal, say something like *I’d side with a man of color over a white woman any day* to a public feminist audience, I die a little.
I really do.
Peace be with us all.